she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
