Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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