so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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