Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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