Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
