I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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