She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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