Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
