and she was petting her beer can
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
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