my vag is so smooth its legendary
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
