This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
