I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
