so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
