You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
