a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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