I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
