Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
