Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Fuck appropriateness.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
