You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
