Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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