he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
