This house was built for laser tag.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
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