My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
