new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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