You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
