When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
