Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
