cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
