well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
