hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
