I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
