A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
