Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
