Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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