Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
