why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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