But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
