my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
