Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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