youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
