We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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