Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
