Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
