Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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