only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
