Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
