tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize