Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
