I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
