i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
The uberlube is also flammable
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
