aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
