He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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