How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
What did we do last night that was yellow?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
