So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
