We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize