I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
