Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
