I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
