fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
