I must be too annoying 4 u.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
