I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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