No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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