then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
