My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
