He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
