Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Well I just put wine in my tea
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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