I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
