Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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