I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
