A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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