what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
