there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
