I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
